On social media lately, there’s been a lot of talk about how recent movements have “hurt” men. In particular, there is a harmful trend on Tik Tok where users make videos asking whether women should be punished for false allegations. The annoying thing: it’s illegal. Why are we “debating” it? I had some issues with the way people are framing the conversation about coming forward, and I recently had a comment on my Instagram saying that “the Me Too movement oppresses men.” At that point, I decided to make a post.
First, here is some background. The Me Too movement intends to demonstrate the magnitude of the problem by exhibiting how widespread and common it is. The movement empowers survivors through empathy, solidarity, and strength in numbers, especially young and vulnerable women, by visibly demonstrating how many people have survived sexual assault and harassment, especially in the workplace. It has led to higher awareness of how industries and power structures structures allow perpetrators to go unpunished. Saying this also invalidates men’s struggles and silences them by assuming that only women face sexual violence. So let’s unpack the idea that men feel oppressed by it. First thing, ask them to think about why they feel threatened. Usually, it comes under three categories. One, they’re angry that men’s careers might be ruined for sexual assault. Two, they’re worried that a gesture they don’t see as sexual assault will get them in “trouble.” Three, they’re worried about false accusations potentially ruining their own career. In response to the first concern: to put it simply, if someone commits an act of sexual assault, they must face consequences, and this shouldn’t be a debate! In addition, it simply isn’t safe for anyone to go to work with or live in a community with predators. As for the second concern: Women are allowed to have boundaries. Simple rule: don’t touch them unnecessarily and without consent, and don’t make suggestive remarks or jokes. It’s called being respectful! If they think they shouldn’t have to worry about physical contact, it’s time for them to look within themselves and ask why they feel entitled to women’s bodies. It’s simple: be respectful of women’s boundaries (be a decent person) and your career is safe. There are some important things to consider when we think about false allegations. First, let’s make it clear just how hard it is to come forward in the first place. US Bureau of Justice Statistics suggest only 35% of all sexual assaults are even reported to the police. Around 2-6% of reports are false accusations. There is no question that someone making a false allegation should face consequences, and false accusations are illegal. However the fact that it’s so rare makes it somewhat ridiculous that people’s first thought is “she’s making it up.” In fact, the idea that society looks to disprove rather than prove the survivor’s story is a major reason that it’s so difficult to come forward and a major reason that so many perpetrators avoid consequences. Sexual abuse causes severe psychological trauma. Survivors do not come forward for a wide variety of reasons, including fear of retaliation, fear of defamation, fear of career issues, fear of being blamed, and most importantly, fear of not being believed or taken seriously. It takes incredible bravery for survivors to come forward in an environment where their life could be ruined for it. Stop trivializing their experiences because you feel threatened by the idea that you’ll be held accountable for your actions. Stop invalidating survivors.
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Neha SaggiFounder and director of LeadHERship. Archives
March 2021
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